


too much to say

by spesognare



Series: we hear nobody [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst and Feels, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, F/M, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Morally Ambiguous Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 23:02:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29658657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spesognare/pseuds/spesognare
Summary: 𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙜𝙚𝙙𝙮, 𝙩𝙝𝙮 𝙣𝙖𝙢𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙍𝙞𝙣.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Namikaze Minato & Nohara Rin & Uchiha Obito, Hatake Kakashi & Nohara Rin & Uchiha Obito, Hatake Kakashi & Uchiha Obito, Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Obito, Namikaze Minato & Nohara Rin, Namikaze Minato/Uzumaki Kushina
Series: we hear nobody [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2179458
Comments: 9
Kudos: 27





	too much to say

**Author's Note:**

> This actually follows canon and is pretty vague, so dialogues are practically non-existent. It's just my personal interpretation of Rin's feelings and thoughts and what drove her to commit suicide in the way she did.

It would have been beautiful had it not been so tragic. 

𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦'𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘺 𝘪𝘯 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯, Rin concluded wistfully as she traced Kakashi's weeping face; so bereft of that fake superiority, that abysmal haughtiness that she hadn't seen since Obi...... 

... 

1.

Nohara Rin loved her team, truly. 

She woke up with the sun and traced it's beams till she could differentiate the hazy color patterns of Minato sensei's obnoxious blonde hair. His sunny smiles and overwhelming warmth, so tightly wound around her and her teammates that it was a mystery how anybody even glanced at them without getting burned. 

Once upon a time, she was a frail thing. So naturally, she wilted in his radiance. And more than once, she had heard him say, "𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦'𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘢 𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘙𝘪𝘯," like she could ever hold a candle to his brilliance, like she was worth even a fourth of what he was. But he would just reprimand her gently when she subtly slipped it in her response sometimes (every time) and continue, "𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦'𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘵𝘩𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘴' 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘳𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘳𝘦-𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺 𝘢 𝘳𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘲𝘶𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯." 

She had obviously not believed it. It was as textbook an answer as any other and even Obito stopped asking the meaning of disposition the hundredth time Minato sensei lectured them. Sometimes, she would feel sensei's gaze on her when he told them they were integral to the team, and just like that she would melt and the frosting insecurities would thaw. Kindness came easily to him and she basked in it till it saturated her little heart. Maybe that was her first mistake; believing that he was invincible. 

Because she had no idea that she could love so much, and so deeply, that it hurt to breathe (literally); even more so that sometimes she laid awake in her bed, terribly lonely but still counting her 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘦𝘦 blessings and gazing at the endless sky, void of any answers her questions may ask.

2.

Then there were two. 

And they were a storm. Kakashi moved like he breathed the lightning in the clouds, gave it meaning and twirled the dew on his pale fingertips in response to Obito's raging inferno, all dark swirls and pretty doe eyes wrapped up in a reckoning of a pseudo-tempest, less water and more fire. 

They merged into a fairytale and carried each other so effortlessly, it was like watching two stars meet. 

Despite his constant flattery and continual attempts to ask her out, Rin knew that Obito revolved around Kakashi and someday, when he had the courage to look back, he would know too. 

So when Obito smiled painfully one last time in that cave, she realised that she had lost Kakashi too. She saw it in his tense muscles and shaking hands and the tears that never left his eyes, 𝘦𝘺𝘦, because in the span of a few hours, Nohara Rin had lost two people she loved more than life itself. And all she could do was watch, cry, repeat as the 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 tore away at the wreaths of her sanity. 

3.

Her nerves were on fire as the corrosive chakra of a 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳 engulfed her willowy body. Kakashi was nearby, fighting and screaming and punching for her. She didn't respond or retaliate, something vile, 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘪𝘨𝘯, in her mind was chanting 𝘨𝘰, 𝘳𝘶𝘯, 𝘒𝘰𝘯𝘰𝘩𝘢, 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦, like a broken record. 

For all her shortcomings, she knew that going back to her village was not an option. 

So she turned 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺, willed her legs to move towards the enemy shinobi and force her body to do 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨, anything other than running to her home where she would only bring about the early deaths of people who deserved so much more than dying at the whims of a broken girl. 

For a moment, her eyes met Kakashi's and she saw everything she ever wanted. Minato sensei kissing Kushina nee-chan and dancing away to a ridiculous beat, Obito tackling Kakashi to the ground, digging an innocent fist in his hair, her own visage smiling softly at them in happiness and content. So once again, like the utterly selfish person she was, she made her decision. 

4.

Nohara Rin loved her team, truly. 

And in that moment, she decided to die by the hands of a person she loved. Because till now, she had no control over her life, but then, for a second, she wondered if this was what it meant to have control, to 𝘥𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦 decisions, to be ephemeral.... 

The thought made her nauseous; the implications of her actions would be ghastly but a little voice still whispered 𝘥𝘰 𝘪𝘵, 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵, 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴, 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳, 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘰𝘳. 

She finally had a purpose, a choice to do things her way and to die at her terms. So, she took it. Dodging the swing of a sword, she maneuvered towards the chirping of a thousand birds and....blocked. 

𝘚𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘺 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘴, 𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘳, 𝘥𝘰𝘦 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴, 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘴. 

She wished to see them once again, but the pain made it difficult to even 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩. 

"𝘒𝘢.. 𝘬𝘢𝘴𝘩... 𝘪... "

She understood for the first time in her life what it felt to be worse than scum. 

... 

It would have been beautiful had it not been so tragic.


End file.
